I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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