dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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