Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
