he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
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You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
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All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize