Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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