Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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