Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
