His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
