After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
