I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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