theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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