In the future we'll all be gay
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
