Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
