It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
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