He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
