Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
