ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
