if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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