nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
