It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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