I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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