Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
