I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
