I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
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the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
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I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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