I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
