you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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