I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Randomize
