So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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