Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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