Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
