I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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