best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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