i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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