he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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