Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Randomize
