can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
