Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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