I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
