They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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