Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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