he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
