These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
