i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
