i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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