Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
