my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
