I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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