WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
