I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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