3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
