I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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