This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
