I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Who died my cat blue again?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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