Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
