In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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