OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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