he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Fuck appropriateness.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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