New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We're too hungover to prance.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
