"it" just moved
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
