My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
