Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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