thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Someone signed my nipple.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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