is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
