...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
