You just made me feel so damn special
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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