let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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