She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
