Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize