So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Screwed.edu
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
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He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
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I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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