his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
