...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
