We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
