Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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