my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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