i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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