when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
