Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
