Don't make out with my wife yet
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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