Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
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