you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
