my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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