doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
