Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
im six kinds of drunk right now
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
