I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
