worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
