i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
