What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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