Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
