A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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