so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
