i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
