one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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