At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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