good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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